S&M

Reflexive Thinking, 2023

 

Back in the day the girls at the nail salon um I mean the bagel place are all cooing over my nails. Can I touch them? Do you dip them? Yeah, thick, they are tools of sorts, I work with my hands. This one, shorter more square, is the packing tape peeler nail. Curved narrow pinky, this one, can scrape an ear canal. My mother would freak out about trimming nails short, cutting below the white line into pink. Show off frightened new skin. Washes her hands till her knuckles crack and bleed and sometimes she will sleep with hands lotioned up in old cotton socks. Does it have to get there? Be bold enough to label your perversions and you can keep going, keep refining, keep elevating your vices. Reset the balance of power of who is steering what and where. S&M. Sun & Moon. So-Cal & Mary-Land. Knowing that the movement beneath you is beyond you, until, not. Stroll & Make Love / Make dinner / Make your bed.

The reluctant medium is becoming much less hesitant when receiving and communicating clairvoyant transmissions. Her gift gains strength as she builds the muscles of reframing her personal narrative. Lube up a life lived in flow thanks 2 outer work—inner work. Pulse the outer through the body and watch the piles of inner organize themselves. Takes the time it takes. Miraculous when it clicks. Isn't life funny?

When I feel rushed, I weigh the difference between having momentum accrued

or 

I was looking back at pictures from my first year post-separation,
or, when I was there

Slut

fun

crying / wine

This writer named Scott

Amateur boxer, rides a mint green Vespa with glitter helmets, on and over the canals. I give him a little wind-up antique teddy bear. He walks and chimes together cymbals. He gives me a vintage basket purse. Basket With A Lid — that was important to him. Inside was a silk robe. He called all the plays before they were made, and then stepped out of the way. I thought I was sad.

All sorts of misplaced stuff works its way out, which is why I find it so terrifying when people plug right back in. Missing piece and off they go, plugging. Makes me queasy to see their work get piled on top, but that's why I am working on the anger. My anger. I am angry about

He used to run me a bath and read to me. Huevos rancheros for breakfast, or just juice and the paper, and self-guided Shintoism studies, falling asleep. His assistant grew up in The Dakota. He went darker when Prince died and I had black calla lilies delivered because I was working for a florist and could.

Stay in touch and fancy lunches for birthdays. Time and space and pace yourself when you are changing everything. Not saying be alone, but don't not be. Why postpone it, entangle another, work stacked on top?Though if they're entangled with you, right now, they're also in it and that = an exponential equation that won't be avoidable, forever.

Came back

Think, reflexively

The pattern will jump around, crashing or nimble feather feet

Pat down all the embers. Fire turns to earth and from earth grows wood. Gotta ground down and grow up

Stretch & More

Spirit

&

Material