17 ><(((º>

When I was in fashion school, I got dumped by this guy I'd been dating for a few months. It was nothing more serious than dinner once a week, but I was always sewing sew taking a weekly night off was kind of a big deal. Brady. Brady called me, totally freaking out, struggling to speak while spitting out that he wanted to change everything. Change everything in his whole life. But he couldn't, or didn't know how ? sew he told me I had to go. It's hard for me to remember exact wording unless those words deliver a lesson:

I can't change anything, but I can change you.

><(((taking a break from our my fish experimentº>

                    <ºthe micro of our macro)))><

Had this lover years back, when the urge to get an aquarium first struck. He talked me out of it — thought it would mess with my head to sea beings trapped in a glass room, too close to home when we were tip-toeing around our second floor duplex (feather feet). We're still friendly and he may teach me to trade when these kids are both finally back-to-school. It will be cool to have a wake-up-and-go hobby.

Tending to the flock. Numbers are proverbial fish with no tank to clean, no neighbor with a key charging ten dollars a day when I feel like get to go farming.

Had this other lover, also years back, who helped me connect obvious dots. Grew up like me, Pennsylvania too, and even though he was living in transition after leaving his fiancé and their shared home, he knew exactly where his things were and why they were there. The get-up-and-go if you hear trouble coming down the hallway does stay with you. You're out the window. Off.

    Just out of the marital home myself. Douchy but hot/hot actor/real estate agent with a motorcycle. We met on an app and I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that I just had a baby and have a toddler but get to have sex with strangers ? they know. They each kiss my stretched out bellybutton. Tongue kiss it trail down. Reckless perhaps, but I'm on the back and this is Mulholland where we're taking the curves. It's late and there's a full moon tonight. He slows to pull over and motions for visors up. Asks how I'm doing.

 Are you leaning away from the turns?

turns out you ride by leaning in

Work with the energy, however it comes to you and wherever it wants to take you. A home beautiful and orderly *to you* Possessions you *truly love and really need* You're ready to go when it's time to go because you're ready because you listen.

<ºbear or bull)))><    

 ><(((sink or swimº>

Live wires in my legs these nights. To fall asleep I envision myself as one of those blow up things at car dealerships. Big foot steady to let the wildness clear my core, neck, crown, wave goodbye. 

Now I'm lightheaded some afternoons, making me wonder if the energy is not leaving but moving into new parts of my brain ? a funny feeling buzzy behind my eyes. A friend recommends an eye check, good to get, but yeah, still 20/20.

Reading glasses in vintage frames. Buzzy legs an opportunity for late night stretching. Dizziness a daily reminder to hydrate and sit still for a bit. Taking the curves with more energy here-and-happening.

R4M