57

I don’t fathom I would have loved these particular hims had I been mothered as a child vs child mothering my brothers and myself.

If mothering is guidance with protection,
is wayfinding thru modeled regulation ?

⚠︎

911 pager prompts 4 a front row seat 2 the evening’s brawl

Keep handy yet another glass of room temp Chardonnay

 Gloves Laced

Gloater

I hope you find a man you love as much as I love your father.

    If he ever hits *me* I’d leave.

Age twelve, I’d leave for the park with baby brothers in tow. A stroller or the wagon + all the peanut butter sandwiches I'd bread for. Work them back into the bread bag. Pile them and we’d collect my best pal Suzi up the block. The farm has gentle undulation whereas Pittsburgh has hills. Suzi would push or pull when my arms were tired, but had bad asthma, angry eczema from the smoking that her parents did and my parents judged.

Meghan smells like an ashtray.

The park was small and perched above the baseball diamond, where the games and families would come but then leave again. Like normal. We’d be there all day, co-parenting of sorts, doing our best not to be home. I had instructions to keep the kids out, while Suzi had reasons of her own.

Sometimes we would spy on the ball players we thought were cute. Boys from school tiny bit transformed in team jerseys. Liked to giggle at the idea of cups. I would track their parents: dress / body language / cars. Logging clues for links.

⚾

Pan Pacific Park

Panic Park

What is panic and where does it come from?

    How to move it out to move on?

⚾

Iris lost a limb on the outskirts of Panic Park
this time last year

⚾

My family provided very few Whys so I remember them.

Dad, why does mom drink wine from a box?

    So she cannot see how much she’s had.

⚾

I love my life the more I see and understand myself.

    I love others the more I see and understand human nature.

No bad / sad / mad when you make sense of Nonsense

    Just happens one day

I call this closing an energy loop
Also, a miracle

⚾

I have 5 baseball games 2 attend this weekend.

Pacifi*

wafting Scent of Nonsense