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SAT🪑
Washed all the components of the espresso machine and polished the electric kettle and made myself a dirty chai latte and now I'm going to make a second, so brb —

I will wash and polish in closing as well. I'll wait to know that there is not another, even though a third would surprise me, but let's leave a door open for wherever this sunny Saturday goes. The sun warms my back as I write at my desk. In my office! I hadn't really been using my office, but then I got a bookshelf and the energy of the room changed. Wouldn't you know?

Always a second (hot morning drink?). I do love pairs. Soon two barns will be where there is one. Just across the way. A walking path shall make a bridge. Do dig opposites, like old vs. new, heaven and hell, yin-yang. Love the tension between two entities, and by tension, I mean The Intangible Third. The elixir of life is 'made' by rubbing your palms together and pulsing 'your' bubble of creation. One plus one must make more than two, or sorry, it's a waste of (our) time. Ask Mother Earth and I imagine she'll confirm.

I was recently on a date with a man who told me (and believes) that he is one of the most eligible bachelors in the music art world. Before he told me this, I already knew that I was on A Practice Date. I dated a lot in my early thirties. I had a rhythm down for how I dated then. By 'rhythm,' I mean a code of self-conduct for that time and space when I was new to Adult Dating (very different from non-adult dating (and has nothing to do with being a legal 'adult')). My sons were babies. I was a brand-new Adult with a baby face. We're older now, all somewhat wiser (still have our buccal fat), and we're in different places, meaning a Different Place. Out here doing my best to speak for the trees, I thank my lucky stars for pushing me to get my Heidi on — or what my girlness remembers about Heidi — escaped to nature, fresh air & rosy cheeks, great dairy products, a ghost, miraculous healings, etc.

I didn't plan it (this is a total aside), but I've realized that I have been gearing up for a new dating rhythm. Soooo on this A Practice Date I did that thing that Adults of a particular age (integrated confidence) do, which is to clarify what I am looking for from the get-go. I feel it's clear I'm open-minded about much. And I shared a few key non-negotiables out of respect for us both. Then, and most importantly to me, I hand-talked my way through explaining my Core Desire to be supported in filling my cup from the streaming Intangible Third that my style of making love profusely generates.

Most Eligible Art Bachelor Honorable Mention #7 seems to want a hot girlfriend to coo over his dog, walk the dog lol, and help him translate bell hooks' "All About Love" from the lunar to the diluted solar.

Befores & Afters. I was born into a twisted love dynamic. I allowed my heart to be there in that thorn bush pattern beat into me as a girl. I always could tell what sweater I was wearing when a punch came (cold house) and the pattern would sink into my skin. Patterns do do that. The allowing was true, and in that truth, I became brave. So brave that I am outside of the thorn bush now. I grew up and and sprouted out. Rhizomatic bravery on a quest to connect the dots.

. spreading . without . a . traditional . hierarchy .

Truth morphs

    Another strong indication

I realize that I am at the end of one body of work and at the beginning of another (that I have really hoped to embody since I was a teenager locked in a room without a door). 

Stuffed clams and broiled asparagus on my tv dinner tray are fuel for learning how to watch movies home alone / held still (not up and up and up again, fussing in (inherited) refusal to relax (feel feelings)). 

Allowed to hold still. Safe with sound at an audible volume. No1 screaming and pulling the cord from the wall, 2 drunk / not brave enough to know why she's so angry-scared-mean to her children. Especially me, 4 whatever reason(s).

SUN🌅
Even though I napped yesterday, I sleep deeply and the room begins to leak sun when I get that tasty not ready to wake up & don't have to Energy.

    Uncurl from my sleeping ball

        Gratitude stretches when my heart hurts

A pang means a mind's eye visual of the crusty brown leaf falling away from the budding sprout as it does that first burst open, leaving, outside in nature

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NEXT-THUR-MORN🌹

I have never been more tired in my life:

True        False

I have the space in my life to let the tired leave:

True        False

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