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🗣I just lit my first fire in this house. It's — it's not that beautiful or profound it's just cold here, and um it's not, well — it's cold here because there's a window that doesn't shut all the way, and I still don't have my stuff, and I'm tired of sleeping on the so poetically described Korean floor futon. Um, my hips do not like it, and I think I'm hippier than I realized, and I'm a side sleeper. If you want to like learn about your sleeping physiology, sleep on the floor for a few weeks. And I keep waking up very expectant. I am in the midst of all these changes, and I just feel So Strongly that I'll be hearing from someone I don't know about something I don't yet know about. It feels work related, not love. Well, I'm open to love propositions as well :) And just up in the night. I'm up in the night, like, waiting. It's the weirdest feeling. And so last night, a girlfriend checked in on me after her date on the West Coast. So one something her time, four something my time. She's like: Are you awake? I'm like, yeah, of course. Right here. I'm waiting. She's like: You're waiting on your stuff. I don't know about the rest, but you're waiting on stuff, and you're going to sleep better in a bed.

So, um, I'm a California real estate salesperson. Oh, I don't know why I got it. I'm not that into real estate, but I thought maybe, it was like, whatever. That's a whole other thing. Sometimes we try to make things that don't work work, and they don't work because you don't want them to work. (Los Angeles.) So I know that in California, you have to disclose if there's been a death in the property, but a lot of times, disclosures are when you are directly asked, and that's, of course, for a sale of a home. So I'm renting a 1930s house here. Which is... I like, I like properties from the '30s. The kids and I had two really cool different 1930s homes over the last... I don't know how many years. Anyways, a couple of friends without ever being on this property... haven't hosted visitors without furniture... have felt the presence of a spirit on the property, a friendly spirit. And I think it's the fellow who lived and died here, and his brother now owns the property. And this window that — I've been cleaning all the windows, waiting on the stuff to arrive — and this one window had a screen taped onto it, like gross duct tape. So I took it [the gross 🦆 tape] off, and it was somehow kind of keeping the window closed. And so we're going to repair the window. And my landlord was like: That's the window that the police broke into the night my brother died.

    Does that scare you?

And I was like, no, it doesn't, because he seems like a very friendly ghost, and I'm not very aware of that realm of spirit. I think my gift is really about keeping people authentically on their life path, authentically living in their agency, and helping them actually clarify what they're here to experience. Like Fairy Godmother Shit. Not seeing the dead. But I'm very, very immersed in the dead being out here because of this quest to heal and regenerate ancestral land, and family complications in my family of origin. I mean that's always been something I've taken on, for right or wrong. And I'm visiting my great grandparents' graves now that I know where they are. I went out to see them the other day. I needed someone to talk to. I had been walking the graveyard where I thought they might be, on all of my trips out here prior to deciding to take a sabbatical year, and I couldn't find them. It was like they were hiding from me. And I had left some messages with... like on the answering machine of the cemetery, and a woman called me on actually the Day of the Dead and she had located them and she put up a small pink flag and it's right where I've walked, right where I've walked with my father, so, and they're clearly marked. We brought out some gardening tools and we cleaned some weeds and stuff away but they weren't in bad shape. They need a scrub; got to figure out what; bring out a bucket or something and give them a scrub. What was the point of this? I don't know. There's just a very palpable infinity symbol in my life right now, where I'm going back and I'm going forward and then I'm here, and I have felt stuck in place for so long in ways that I don't now and maybe that's this atmosphere of anticipation? And I know that we have to meet our nudges / vibes / thoughts with action. And I do think the next right action is sure, fix the window, but get the stuff here. A bed for my hips, couch, rugs, yeah, lots of other thoughts coming through but need a bit of traction — textural traction and a place to host lovers and friends and my family.

mmmm hmmm