Sunday, August 21, 2022


i've long played a game where i tidy in a circuitous fashion patterned after the adage that one thing always leads to another

around & around & the house gets clean
but a clean house never stays that way for long
plus play a game too much & you'll forget that you're supposed to be playing

unconsciousness thrives in repetition -> why change is an opportunity to infuse attention

not cleaning
not drinking
little tummy hanging over my trousers
confronting demons, old wounds that came from home 

wounds from the womb are classically un-cleanable,
but manageable, certainly


introspective examination scrubs in the space between life's actions

thus the game of late has been not to clean

it's not that i don't want to deal, i do & i am --
in this upside down, the shadows lay on top
    can be pecked + picked apart = examined

keep visualizing a crate of fake ravens 
    got to find a case of fake ravens
        place them throughout the place
            name them my cleaning crew

it always was... so it becomes whatever you call it

calling this a cycle off from performing mom

from the first day of last month's bleed to this month's i did different things

had to ! my body wouldn't work the way it always works (changing)

but don't shit where you eat -- ! vintage for the vintage gods ! -- managed to donate a big bag of great clothes in the chaos of being more, more still, more expectant, practicing a different style of proactivity

!! do different things 4 different results !!

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